Website design By BotEap.comHave you ever been frustrated that you seem desperately “insane” about unavailable men, yet hopelessly impervious to advances from nice guys who are genuinely available and ready for a serious relationship? Would you like to change this pattern so you can finally start enjoying a great relationship and stop wasting time with men who play cold games with their emotions? Read on to see how the science of psychology can come to your rescue!

Website design By BotEap.comIn a classic social psychology study, Dutton and Aron conducted an intriguing study in which an experimenter stood at the end of two different bridges and asked random men who crossed the bridge to tell a short story as part of an experiment. of psychology. The first bridge was a safe and sturdy ten foot bridge over a quiet stream; We will call it the “safe bridge” for our purposes here. The second bridge was a terrifying rickety bridge that spanned a 70-meter drop to rocks and rapids; We’ll keep it simple and call it the “scary bridge” here. What the researchers found was that the men who crossed the terrifying bridge were more likely to use sexual or romantic imagery in their stories. These men who crossed the terrifying bridge were also more likely to rate the experimenter as attractive, even though it was actually the same woman at the end of both bridges.

Website design By BotEap.comWhy did the men who crossed the scary bridge tell more sexual or romantic stories and rate the experimenter as more attractive than the men who crossed the safe bridge? The results suggest that these men mistakenly attributed their arousal symptoms (such as an increased heart rate or sweaty palms) that arose from crossing a highly stimulating, albeit somewhat terrifying bridge, to romantic or sexual attraction to women.

Website design By BotEap.comThis study can explain a phenomenon that I have seen in my practice. Many of my clients complain that they don’t feel chemistry with nice guys; however, they are attracted to men who are unpredictable and keep them guessing (I occasionally see this in my male clients as well). If you experience this in your own love life, you will want to learn to see the good guys as more exciting and the not so good as less. Read on for tips on how to do this!

Website design By BotEap.comMake a list

Your first step will be to make a list of Scary Bridge behaviors. Scary Bridge behaviors are behaviors that are undesirable in a partner and therefore can result in considerable concern or irritation to you. Unfortunately, this worry or irritation can often be mistakenly attributed as attraction to the man who is causing the worry or irritation. That is why it is important to identify these behaviors so that you can recognize them as they occur. Your list may include the following:

  • Website design By BotEap.comBeing late for an appointment (even for good reason, any kind of delay can increase anticipation, increasing physiological arousal)
  • Website design By BotEap.comCanceling an appointment at the last minute (again, even if for good reason, the point here is not to evaluate your reasons, just to notice the effect of the behavior on your physiological arousal)
  • Website design By BotEap.comSuggesting an appointment but not making clear plans with you or having you guess exactly when / where the date will occur
  • Website design By BotEap.comTelling you that he’s not sure if he’s ready for a relationship
Website design By BotEap.comIt is important not to get stuck trying to assess whether or not your reasons are “good” for the above behaviors. For your body, there is no difference: if there are sudden changes or periods of uncertainty, your level of physiological arousal may increase. We all have the occasional last minute emergencies, but if you’re dating someone who seems to have endless problems (sick mother, emergency meeting, past injury, the list goes on … and on … and so on … .), consider that your unavailability could actually be creating drama that ironically makes you all the more tempting.

Website design By BotEap.comIn addition to your Scary Bridge list, you will also want to make a list of Safe Bridge behaviors. These are behaviors that you may have previously seen as cheesy or boring, but are often found in the goodies. Your list of Safe Bridge behaviors may include the following:

Website design By BotEap.comAs you read this, you might think you like it when a guy does some of the Safe Bridge stuff above, but you are still attracted to men who aren’t available. But consider the context of those behaviors. If you are attracted to men who perform Safe Bridge behaviors inconsistently, these behaviors may excite you primarily because of their rarity. Intermittent reinforcement is actually what elicits the most excitement; This is why casinos set up slot machines to award rewards in a random orderly manner where the user never knows what to expect and keeps chasing the rewards. Don’t let intermittent reinforcement create a deceptive sense of arousal that keeps you trapped in a waiting pattern with a Mr. Wrong who plays hot and cold with your emotions or your schedule.

Website design By BotEap.comRelocation behaviors

After making your list of Scary Bridge and Safe Bridge behaviors, next, you’ll want to change the way you view these behaviors. While you may find Scary Bridge behaviors exciting or signs that a man must be “hard to come by” or “so busy and successful” or “really cool and don’t rush,” you’ll want to relocate these behaviors as scaly, not assertive. and undesirable. The goal is to get to the point where you can roll your eyes at these behaviors instead of being tempted by them.

Website design By BotEap.comYou will also want to reposition the safe bridge behaviors. Here are some ideas on how to see nice guys as more exciting:

  • Website design By BotEap.comThink how exciting it would be to get engaged or planning a wedding. How do you compare the cheap thrill that eccentric guys provide to the thrill of being in a deep relationship that leads to marriage?
  • Website design By BotEap.comDo something a little scary with your date, like go to a horror movie. If you misattribute your fear as attraction to your date in this context, it would be a good thing!
  • Website design By BotEap.comThink of a sexual fantasy to imagine while on a date with Mr Nice Guy. If you need help finding ideas, you can try searching erotica or porn online until you find something that really excites you; It must feel mischievous, forbidden, or whatever it takes to get your heart racing. When you date a good boy who can feel then It sure is a bit boring, call into the material fancy mind as you focus your gaze on your date. This will help wake up your body and make you more open to Mr Nice Guy’s advances.
Website design By BotEap.comIf you can successfully reassign Safe and Scary Bridge behaviors, this could go a long way toward reducing frustration in your love life. I have seen my clients apply the principles in this article with great success.

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