Website design By BotEap.comEveryone goes into a marriage expecting certain things. We expect fidelity. We hope our families will support us. We would like to have certain things and live in a certain place. All of this is based on our desires and what we feel we deserve from life. Everyone comes from different backgrounds, which influences the kind of lifestyle we expect, even when the odds are stacked against us. 60% of marriages fail, but when we see other marriages succeed, we expect the same of ourselves. When two people have different expectations, problems are inevitable.

Website design By BotEap.comGreat expectations #1: Let’s set a special day where we spend time together, just you and me. We’ll make time for each other by putting the kids to bed early, silencing cell phones, and letting voicemail take our calls. We will not allow anything to interrupt this special time appointed for us.

  • Reality check: This is a great idea, but the expectation is unrealistic. You must have a special time to communicate personally with your spouse, spend intimate time together, and enjoy activities. That is a wonderful gift to give a spouse. However, it is inevitable that from time to time there will be interruptions to your special days that cannot be rescheduled. This is where a new and unexpected problem enters this wonderful solution to a problem. The girl has an ear infection and won’t stop crying; the older brother has final exams and needs to go to a quiet place to study; And the one in the middle has chicken pox on his special day! Edge cases like this are often understandable, but what about those days when the wife has to work late and she expects her husband to understand that she’s tired? In such cases, the thought really counts for something. A simple statement of acknowledgment can snuff out a spark that might otherwise have turned into a heated discussion. A statement like “Honey, I know that today is our special day that we plan to spend together, but I need to relax and rest from a very long day at work. Let’s stay home and plan a recovery appointment.” You get the picture, communicating your way forward in this way shows that you were listening, disinterested, and sincerely concerned.
Website design By BotEap.comGreat expectations #2: I thought we would save more than we spend. I thought we would spend more than we save! Why don’t we talk about finances before we get married?

  • Reality check: The financial conversation is an ongoing discussion. Your current financial situation will certainly change, if only because of inflation. Gas and food prices fluctuate, kids need more as they get older, and it’s unrealistic for your current lifestyle to always stay the same. What we do in times of plenty will determine how we will live in times of famine. At a minimum, create a joint budget that includes discretionary spending and savings.
Website design By BotEap.comGreat expectations #3: Since we both work outside the home, let’s divide the housework EQUALLY.

  • Reality check: Household chores will never be the same; they just have to feel fair. My wife never works in the garden and I rarely do laundry, apart from folding and putting things away. It’s okay if one spouse takes on most of a particular responsibility, as long as it’s enjoyable, but there will be times when help is needed outside of preferred tasks. Daily chores and activities tend to influence a wife’s level of intimacy. When help around the house is not considered, it can become a source of disappointment and anger that could lead to divorce. Husbands, if you want to keep your love life strong, take your wife’s conversation about chores to heart and agree on some realistic expectations that will work for your home.
Website design By BotEap.comGreat expectations #4: We are going to get along very well because we know a lot about each other. Marriage is going to be so fulfilling!

  • Reality check: The hustle and bustle of life itself can cause any couple to be sidetracked and seem distant. The person you were at 18 will not be the person you are at 25 or 30. Once you get married, you must continue to build on the existing friendship. The reality is that even if you’ve been dating the same person for 20 years, marriage opens up a whole new freedom. Allow the freedom that occurs in marriage to open you up for new, ongoing, lifelong learning as you both grow and change together.
Website design By BotEap.comGreat expectations #5: I had never felt so in love with someone in my entire life. We are so compatible!

  • Reality check: Love is an attitude that is shown with the right action. It’s something you choose to do even when things don’t go your way. There will be times when you will question your love for your spouse because of how you feel. Feelings are easily affected by emotions and cannot be the indicator of love. The reality is that you can love your spouse even when you don’t feel good about him or her. Paul wrote: “These old women are to instruct the young women in the love of their husbands…” Think of that word instruct. It means to form a person’s habit, thought or conduct. Love has nothing to do with the emotion you are feeling. In order to have a lasting marriage, you must train yourself to love your spouse at all times.

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