Website design By BotEap.comFeel wrong

Website design By BotEap.comI’ve been putting off writing this article for weeks. He knew he wanted to do it; I write from a space of feelings and I did not want to feel the enormity of my pain.

Website design By BotEap.comSome days I feel like my whole life has consisted of holding back pain, feeling pain, resolving pain, whether it’s something that happened in the Now, whether it’s a pain from my past, or even an unresolved pain from my ancestors.

Website design By BotEap.comPain is not allowed

Website design By BotEap.comI think Western culture doesn’t * grieve * well. We value productivity over feelings. We handle our feelings, we don’t feel them.

Website design By BotEap.comI looked on the New Zealand Government website how long paid bereavement leave lasts, and it is 1 day for someone who is not related and 3 days for a close relative. I don’t even imagine that that would accompany you to the funeral.

Website design By BotEap.comTypes of complaints

Website design By BotEap.comWe can have all kinds of grief, the obvious ones being when someone we love dies, or a loved pet; divorce, moving, work, natural disaster; But we can also feel pain for many other things, such as a missed opportunity, the state of the world, that your life does not turn out as you expected. You may even have daily complaints; the day is not going as you had planned.

Website design By BotEap.comComplaint without grief

Website design By BotEap.comThe pain increases if you do not take the space to mourn your loss. The complaint can only be put aside for a while and then pushed to be recognized. Unmourned pain will manifest itself in illness, addiction, depression, and anxiety.

Website design By BotEap.comWe are scared of pain, we think it will overwhelm us if we face it. That will go on forever. We may think that we are crying over spilled milk or that we are being indulgent. We can get into our heads and think about how to get out of it, rationalizing it, telling ourselves that we should be happy. But we run the risk of turning our hearts off if we avoid pain.

Website design By BotEap.comHonoring the complaint

Website design By BotEap.comWhat if it’s okay to be sad? Honor being sad, leave room to be sad. Keep our hearts open and feel the loss. Even if it is little by little. As much as we think we can handle.

Website design By BotEap.comComplaining lets us know that something mattered to us. That something was important. That we loved. That we were connected.

Website design By BotEap.comIf we take the time to feel the pain, then it will ease.

Website design By BotEap.com“Healing” pain

Website design By BotEap.comI don’t think that pain can be eliminated by technique, I think that if we are stuck it is probably because we are not feeling the pain, so healing tools are good to get back on track. But we may be suffering something even 10 years later, little by little, depending on how we deal with pain along the way. I don’t think pain can be overcome in order to overcome it.

Website design By BotEap.comI have also heard of professional mourners. People you can hire to go to funerals and make people cry and cry.

Website design By BotEap.comEmpaths and pain

Website design By BotEap.comIf you are empathetic, you can feel the pain of other people, living or deceased, so that is something I always have to check when I feel pain. Whether it’s mine or not. But I also have to be aware if I want to avoid my pain and I want it to be someone else’s. If it’s someone else’s pain, I’ll feel the change in my body when I ask.

Website design By BotEap.comThis weekend in New Zealand is ANZAC day, in honor of the soldiers who fought in wars, this is always a day that I have felt very strong as an empath. It has always been a sad day for me. Perhaps a day for the nationally recognized duel; to honor and remember.

Website design By BotEap.comMy complaint

Website design By BotEap.comAs I wrote last week, my oldest friend passed away a week ago. It was very surreal, as she and I had daily contact for 26 years. I can see the stages of grief in myself, shock, denial, anger, depression, acceptance. But they are scrambled and everywhere. Little things will get me, something will happen and I will go over to my phone or laptop to tell them and then I find out.

Website design By BotEap.comOf course the grief is not for her, she has continued with her journey, the grief is for me, because I miss my friend and I want the future to resemble the past. I don’t know what the future holds and I don’t like feeling that empty space there. That is why I am sorry for your loss in my life. I may regret what I think he will miss out on in this life, but I don’t know his future or what awaits him to compare if he is missing it.

Website design By BotEap.comSabotage complaint

Website design By BotEap.comI also believe that there is a difference between pain and suffering. We can have survivor guilt if someone we love has died, thinking that we should be grieving for a certain amount of time, or not being happy because they are not here. This is primarily unconscious behavior.

Website design By BotEap.comWe can sabotage ourselves by thinking that they did not live so that we cannot enjoy our life, or change to the opposite thinking that they did not live, so we have to live for them and exhaust ourselves living for two people, without allowing ourselves. to be still.

Website design By BotEap.comOr we went through a divorce and told ourselves that this person didn’t really matter to us. Either we lost a * thing *, or something broke and we tell ourselves that it is materialistic to be sad about the loss of something. But even material things matter to us. Our heart feels the loss even if our head minimizes its importance.

Website design By BotEap.comThe body can be a door to unresolved pain

Website design By BotEap.comThe unresolved grievance pushes to feel.

Website design By BotEap.comOne thing you would like to try is to be aware of your breathing and slow down, then ask your body if there is any place where there is pain that you have not felt. If nothing appears, you can feel in your heart and ask your heart the same question.

Website design By BotEap.comHow does it feel to honor your grief?

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