How to know if you are willful or strong-willed
Website design By BotEap.comStrong-willed people are successful, but stubborn ones often sabotage success. Volunteers can be fiercely stubborn in their opinions and in pursuit of their goals, ignoring what other people think and need. They often force their will fiercely despite obstacles or negative implications. Their behavior has obsessive and compulsive qualities in which they cannot let go and is an obstacle to overcoming codependency and addiction.
Website design By BotEap.comIn contrast, a strong-minded person accepts life on life’s terms, which provides a solid foundation for constructive, effective, well-considered, and non-compulsive action.
Website design By BotEap.comOwn will
One of the members of the codependency, psychiatrist Timmen Cermak, believed that codependents and addicts “control their lives by sheer force of will.” The book Alcoholics Anonymous attributes the phrase “self-will runs rampant” to selfishness, “driven by fear, self-deception, selfishness, and self-pity.” When we are motivated by free will, we can deny reality and good advice and manipulate people and events to achieve our goal. We are willing to take risks that could lead to retaliation or jeopardize job security, peace of mind, and relationships. Some addicts, narcissists, or sociopaths lie, exploit others, and act unethically or illegally to achieve their goals. Website design By BotEap.comCodependency and Control
Control is a primary symptom of addiction codependency and codependency. Codependents have a dysfunctional relationship with their will. Sometimes we are passive and do not exercise it effectively. Some of us have never learned to assert our wants and needs or to make decisions. Instead, we do not act or give up control and we give in to others. Website design By BotEap.comOther times, we try to impose our will on people and situations over which we have no power. We have difficulty accepting reality and we believe that things should be different. Our denial leads to anger and resentment. We get easily frustrated when things don’t go the way we expect or when people don’t behave the way we think they should. There is a certain amount of pride and arrogance in this assumption. Psychiatrist Abraham Twerski adds that the addictive thinking underlying the controlling behavior exemplifies “a delusion of omnipotence.” Website design By BotEap.comBecause we lack a sense of power in our lives, we instead try to manipulate and control the lives of others. Instead of taking responsibility for our own happiness, which would be empowering, our attention is external and focused on changing others and forcing solutions. We have not learned to attend to our needs directly and assertively, so we try to control others to feel good. We think, “I’ll change him (or her) to do whatever he wants, and then I’ll be happy.” This behavior is based on the mistaken beliefs that we can change others and that our happiness depends on them. But when our expectations are not met, we feel more helpless and powerless. Website design By BotEap.comBy trying to change the things we cannot, we are putting forth fruitless efforts in unproductive ways, often creating more problems and feelings of hopelessness and victimization. It’s hard enough to change ourselves! The first step of Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, and Codependents Anonymous addresses control, suggesting that we admit our powerlessness over things we cannot control. Website design By BotEap.comThe cause of the will
Codependents generally grow up in families where power is exercised over them in a dominant-submissive pattern. When personal power and self-esteem are not fostered, we come to believe that we have none. We are afraid of our own power and that it will alienate other people. To feel safe and loved, we learn to please and please people. Repeating this pattern in adult relationships can lead to unhappiness and abuse or exploitation. Website design By BotEap.comOn the other hand, some children decide that the best way to feel safe and have their needs met is to exercise power. They are rebellious or aggressively seek power over others. In hierarchical families, children also imitate controlling parents by dominating and teasing siblings. They treat others the way they have been treated. This strategy creates fear and resentment in relationships and causes other people to withdraw or behave in a passive-aggressive manner. Website design By BotEap.comVoluntary vs. Strong willed
To have a strong will is to have a strong mind. In many ways, it is the opposite of being a volunteer or codependent. While stubbornness stems from fear and insecurity, strong-minded people have confidence and security. This fundamental difference explains the ways in which these personality types are different. Website design By BotEap.comIntentional drivers
Fear is what makes stubborn people stubborn. They are so afraid of losing something or someone that they feel driven to control situations. This is also why they ignore wise advice, critical feedback, or contrary facts that threaten their shaky self-esteem or present obstacles to achieving their goal. Website design By BotEap.comSome stubborn people refute all authority and stop at nothing to get their way. Their tactics can range from manipulation to criminality. They believe they are right and they are striving to achieve their goals, but their thoughts and insecurities limit them. Out of fear of failure, they procrastinate and freeze as they seek perfection and focus on limitations and obstacles. They may deny their fear and impulsively take unwarranted risks, or be risk averse and unwilling to try new things. They can be so compulsively determined that they are blind to alternative solutions and new opportunities, as well as possible adverse consequences. Website design By BotEap.comVolunteers are uncompromising negotiators who insist on winning every point. They may scold and argue relentlessly in an attempt to persuade what cannot be persuaded. They can lose their perspective and overlook important aspects of a deal. They may prevail, but lose opportunities, relationships, and their reputation. In the long term, a cooperative working partnership in an ongoing business is much more valuable. Website design By BotEap.comFear causes people to behave compulsively and cannot be flexible and let go. Their anxiety can cause them to overthink things, become easily distracted, and avoid acting and making decisions by procrastinating or wasting time with busy and unproductive work. Website design By BotEap.comStrong-willed influencers
In contrast, strong-willed people are confident and have nothing to prove. They are clear about their purpose and objectives and prioritize their time and activities. They are decisive risk takers and do not delay, seek validation or wait for permission. Consequently, they are uninhibited by fear of failure, disapproval, or rejection. Without fear, they are willing to take the initiative. They don’t mind being different or making mistakes. Rather than fear the shame that failure might cause, they evaluate and learn from their mistakes. Their confidence also makes them not afraid to experiment and think outside the box. For example, because they are open-minded and not compulsive, they can allow their imagination to present new directions and creative solutions. Website design By BotEap.comThey are performance oriented and focused on solutions and getting things done. As the Serenity Prayer suggests, they accept what they cannot change and have the courage to change what they can. Therefore, they engage when necessary to move projects forward. Confidence keeps their ego at bay, so they are willing to learn and adapt. They seek cooperation and influence others, but they don’t waste time trying to control or argue with resistant people. Website design By BotEap.comIt is a fact that successful people say “no” a lot. They value the time they spend with others and with themselves. As a result, strong-willed people are clear about their limits with themselves and with other people. Your energy is focused and purposeful. They have the perseverance and self-discipline to achieve their goals, whether it’s learning a new skill, cleaning the garage, or building a business. Their strength will allow them to have patience, presence, and the ability to defer gratification. They don’t waste time with counterproductive habits or addictive behaviors. Website design By BotEap.comStrong-minded people don’t lose sight of the big picture, including the moral dimensions. Firm boundaries protect your values and integrity. They do not tolerate bad behavior from other people out of fear. They are firm about what is important to them, but they are also flexible and can listen and ask questions. Website design By BotEap.comBecome strong minded
By healing codependency and becoming more independent we develop our will, which is largely disabled by fear and anxiety. Shame breeds insecurity, fear, and anxiety. Conquering shame and raising your self-esteem strengthen you with resilience and confidence. Website design By BotEap.com© DarleneLancer 2020
One of the members of the codependency, psychiatrist Timmen Cermak, believed that codependents and addicts “control their lives by sheer force of will.” The book Alcoholics Anonymous attributes the phrase “self-will runs rampant” to selfishness, “driven by fear, self-deception, selfishness, and self-pity.” When we are motivated by free will, we can deny reality and good advice and manipulate people and events to achieve our goal. We are willing to take risks that could lead to retaliation or jeopardize job security, peace of mind, and relationships. Some addicts, narcissists, or sociopaths lie, exploit others, and act unethically or illegally to achieve their goals. Website design By BotEap.comCodependency and Control
Control is a primary symptom of addiction codependency and codependency. Codependents have a dysfunctional relationship with their will. Sometimes we are passive and do not exercise it effectively. Some of us have never learned to assert our wants and needs or to make decisions. Instead, we do not act or give up control and we give in to others. Website design By BotEap.comOther times, we try to impose our will on people and situations over which we have no power. We have difficulty accepting reality and we believe that things should be different. Our denial leads to anger and resentment. We get easily frustrated when things don’t go the way we expect or when people don’t behave the way we think they should. There is a certain amount of pride and arrogance in this assumption. Psychiatrist Abraham Twerski adds that the addictive thinking underlying the controlling behavior exemplifies “a delusion of omnipotence.” Website design By BotEap.comBecause we lack a sense of power in our lives, we instead try to manipulate and control the lives of others. Instead of taking responsibility for our own happiness, which would be empowering, our attention is external and focused on changing others and forcing solutions. We have not learned to attend to our needs directly and assertively, so we try to control others to feel good. We think, “I’ll change him (or her) to do whatever he wants, and then I’ll be happy.” This behavior is based on the mistaken beliefs that we can change others and that our happiness depends on them. But when our expectations are not met, we feel more helpless and powerless. Website design By BotEap.comBy trying to change the things we cannot, we are putting forth fruitless efforts in unproductive ways, often creating more problems and feelings of hopelessness and victimization. It’s hard enough to change ourselves! The first step of Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, and Codependents Anonymous addresses control, suggesting that we admit our powerlessness over things we cannot control. Website design By BotEap.comThe cause of the will
Codependents generally grow up in families where power is exercised over them in a dominant-submissive pattern. When personal power and self-esteem are not fostered, we come to believe that we have none. We are afraid of our own power and that it will alienate other people. To feel safe and loved, we learn to please and please people. Repeating this pattern in adult relationships can lead to unhappiness and abuse or exploitation. Website design By BotEap.comOn the other hand, some children decide that the best way to feel safe and have their needs met is to exercise power. They are rebellious or aggressively seek power over others. In hierarchical families, children also imitate controlling parents by dominating and teasing siblings. They treat others the way they have been treated. This strategy creates fear and resentment in relationships and causes other people to withdraw or behave in a passive-aggressive manner. Website design By BotEap.comVoluntary vs. Strong willed
To have a strong will is to have a strong mind. In many ways, it is the opposite of being a volunteer or codependent. While stubbornness stems from fear and insecurity, strong-minded people have confidence and security. This fundamental difference explains the ways in which these personality types are different. Website design By BotEap.comIntentional drivers
Fear is what makes stubborn people stubborn. They are so afraid of losing something or someone that they feel driven to control situations. This is also why they ignore wise advice, critical feedback, or contrary facts that threaten their shaky self-esteem or present obstacles to achieving their goal. Website design By BotEap.comSome stubborn people refute all authority and stop at nothing to get their way. Their tactics can range from manipulation to criminality. They believe they are right and they are striving to achieve their goals, but their thoughts and insecurities limit them. Out of fear of failure, they procrastinate and freeze as they seek perfection and focus on limitations and obstacles. They may deny their fear and impulsively take unwarranted risks, or be risk averse and unwilling to try new things. They can be so compulsively determined that they are blind to alternative solutions and new opportunities, as well as possible adverse consequences. Website design By BotEap.comVolunteers are uncompromising negotiators who insist on winning every point. They may scold and argue relentlessly in an attempt to persuade what cannot be persuaded. They can lose their perspective and overlook important aspects of a deal. They may prevail, but lose opportunities, relationships, and their reputation. In the long term, a cooperative working partnership in an ongoing business is much more valuable. Website design By BotEap.comFear causes people to behave compulsively and cannot be flexible and let go. Their anxiety can cause them to overthink things, become easily distracted, and avoid acting and making decisions by procrastinating or wasting time with busy and unproductive work. Website design By BotEap.comStrong-willed influencers
In contrast, strong-willed people are confident and have nothing to prove. They are clear about their purpose and objectives and prioritize their time and activities. They are decisive risk takers and do not delay, seek validation or wait for permission. Consequently, they are uninhibited by fear of failure, disapproval, or rejection. Without fear, they are willing to take the initiative. They don’t mind being different or making mistakes. Rather than fear the shame that failure might cause, they evaluate and learn from their mistakes. Their confidence also makes them not afraid to experiment and think outside the box. For example, because they are open-minded and not compulsive, they can allow their imagination to present new directions and creative solutions. Website design By BotEap.comThey are performance oriented and focused on solutions and getting things done. As the Serenity Prayer suggests, they accept what they cannot change and have the courage to change what they can. Therefore, they engage when necessary to move projects forward. Confidence keeps their ego at bay, so they are willing to learn and adapt. They seek cooperation and influence others, but they don’t waste time trying to control or argue with resistant people. Website design By BotEap.comIt is a fact that successful people say “no” a lot. They value the time they spend with others and with themselves. As a result, strong-willed people are clear about their limits with themselves and with other people. Your energy is focused and purposeful. They have the perseverance and self-discipline to achieve their goals, whether it’s learning a new skill, cleaning the garage, or building a business. Their strength will allow them to have patience, presence, and the ability to defer gratification. They don’t waste time with counterproductive habits or addictive behaviors. Website design By BotEap.comStrong-minded people don’t lose sight of the big picture, including the moral dimensions. Firm boundaries protect your values and integrity. They do not tolerate bad behavior from other people out of fear. They are firm about what is important to them, but they are also flexible and can listen and ask questions. Website design By BotEap.comBecome strong minded
By healing codependency and becoming more independent we develop our will, which is largely disabled by fear and anxiety. Shame breeds insecurity, fear, and anxiety. Conquering shame and raising your self-esteem strengthen you with resilience and confidence. Website design By BotEap.com© DarleneLancer 2020