Website design By BotEap.comHave you seen the commercial for the child allergy medicine? Two women are sitting in a park on a play date when a boy comes running up, sneezes and both women, like gunmen, take out their emergency medication for Mom. A mother has an oozing bag of smashed medications. The other mom takes out her handy pre-filled dose of medicine and gives it to Junior and never misses a beat. The woman with the messy bag shrugs in embarrassment. Quick Dose Mom shows a condescending smile of victory. Freeze the frame right here because I have a problem with this whole scenario. First of all, find me a park where children are frolicking and jumping to the rhythm of laughing mothers. In the last park I went to, a boy peed on the slide, another bit his sister in the face, someone found a hypodermic needle in the litter box, and my car was spray painted with gang graffiti before it turned off. the motor. And they are not just moms anymore. I saw two dads, a grandfather, a babysitter, a child who was thrown out the door of a truck as the parents ‘passed’, another who I’m pretty sure lives there, and a man in slippers shuffling through the parking lot. a lot talking alone. And who has time to play? I’m busy. My son has play dates in line at the DMV.

Website design By BotEap.comTV moms are impeccably dressed. No wrinkles, no blemishes. Right now I’m wearing a crusted peanut butter t-shirt and matching sweatshirts that I’ve been wearing since Tuesday. I once spent a whole day with a suction cup stuck to the side of my head before anyone told me. The TV moms are chatting happily. Wrong. Sara tells Sue how lazy her husband is; while Bertha (who just put vodka in her water bottle) complains about how far her butt has fallen to Erma, who can’t hear her because she’s too busy spanking her son in the parking lot. Business mothers are always deep in conversation while their children play on the horizon. Hello! Do you see law and order? My son once disappeared behind a bush for a second and I started screaming, scratching at my sweater, and profiling the other moms. And what about the child who approaches his mother to sneeze? Please. My son may be bleeding from his eyes and will not stop digging for help. Business Mom pulls out her bag of meds. We went on vacation and I forgot Junior’s inhaler. She reaches into her bag and locates the medicine bag immediately. I once dug in my bag for a band-aid, unearthed four half-eaten candy bars, a pair of underwear, and a dead gerbil. No band-aid.

Website design By BotEap.comCommercial child takes his medication with a smile. I have to throw my son to the ground, plug his nose, and threaten to take Christmas away from him if he doesn’t accept it. The commercial boy smiles and gives a cute toothless thank you as my son seeks revenge with a magic marker on the living room wall. Then Patty Perfect gives Susie Slack a condescending victory smile. Well, I have to admit, that one goes quite well. I’ve played Patty Perfect before. She’s the one who frowns when I bring her chocolate when it’s my turn for preschool snack. When I put Diet Coke in his glass. When I breastfeed at the salad bar.

Website design By BotEap.comYes, all that from a commercial. I’ll probably still buy it anyway. Looks great. I am sure it will cost three times as much, I will leave it at home and my son will still not accept it. So maybe the commercial will win after all. But I won’t let you tell me what normal mothers are like. Or what beauty looks like. Or success. Or happiness. What do they know

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