Website design By BotEap.comSome children have no problem. They start school and instantly have a gang: a best friend, birthday party invitations, playdates, sleepovers. For other children, the social aspects of school can be difficult. Sometimes this is because the child has a diagnosis of Asperger’s disorder, autism, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and sometimes the child is just shy. As a therapist with years of experience working in schools, I have seen how difficult the school day can be if a child doesn’t know how to make and keep friends. I know there are simple steps you as a parent can take to help make friendship easier for your child.

Website design By BotEap.com1. Talk about it

Website design By BotEap.comThe first step is to talk to your child and make sure there really is a problem. Some children are more introverted than others and need a lot of alone time. Not all kids want to be the class president or the most popular student. But every child needs to learn to get along with peers, work in groups, and have satisfying social interactions. Try to talk about friendship with your child and set a realistic goal, such as a couple of friends, an occasional playdate, or someone to have lunch with.

Website design By BotEap.com2. Meet the other parents

Website design By BotEap.comOther parents are your best resource. A friendly father can help pave the way for his own son, introducing him to the gang, inviting him to play. Additionally, parents may not feel comfortable extending or accepting invitations to children when they do not know the parents. Parents of young children will usually be waiting together at the school as it is dismissed. For even the most introverted parents, this can be a low-key and easy place to meet people and a great opportunity to allow some free play after school. Try to arrive a little early, smile and be social, and let your child have free time with classmates. For older children, see if you can volunteer at the school and meet the other parents there.

Website design By BotEap.com3. Try to join groups

Website design By BotEap.comFind a group your child can be a part of, whether it’s scouts, drama, an after-school class, or a sports team. This new environment can allow your child’s special abilities to shine in a way that they don’t in the classroom. It is also a new opportunity to meet other parents. One advantage is that the entire team is often invited to a pizza party or camping trip. Of course, if family is invited, you should do your best to attend as well, even if your own introverted nature makes it difficult.

Website design By BotEap.com4. Work on social skills

Website design By BotEap.comThis brings us to the next point, social skills. When her son is playing after school or at the pizza party, she has the perfect opportunity to watch him interact. Is your child bossy, clingy, whiny, or difficult in some other way? Public places are not ideal for discussing the problems she sees. Wait until you get home and then talk to your child, accomplishing the friendship goals you’ve already set. If you see significant issues with social skills, you may want to address this further in a social skills group.

Website design By BotEap.com5. Pay attention to appearance

Website design By BotEap.comYour child may not care about his appearance, and you may admire his independent spirit. Unfortunately, the other children may not be as open-minded. If friendships are affected, some degree of compliance may be a compromise you’re willing to make. Take a look at the other kids at school. Does your child stand out from the rest of the class? You don’t have to bow to fashion and buy the fanciest and most expensive clothes, but maybe a simple move away from too short shorts and the bright oversized sweatshirt will help your child be one of the gang. Pay attention to hygiene and personal habits as well. Behavior that is okay in kindergarten can be a social death sentence in middle school.

Website design By BotEap.com6. Beware of being too different

Website design By BotEap.comYour child may be bright, unique, and know all about comets, and you can see how charming he is, but the truth is, other kids may think he’s weird. Don’t think your child has to give up his special interests and talents. Instead, aim to supplement these areas with something more universally accepted. Sit down as a family and watch popular TV shows or go see a blockbuster movie. School is similar to your office, where everyone is talking about the Super Bowl or the presidential primary. At school, your child will have an easier time if she has been to the school carnival or watched the latest episode of Hannah Montana.

Website design By BotEap.com7. Take the plunge: invite someone over to your house

Website design By BotEap.comFor more reserved parents, the thought of a child’s playdates can be a bit daunting. But it’s an important step because it helps take the friendship out of the realm of “school friends.” If your child hasn’t had playdates before, relax. There is no need to structure activities or entertain the children. Discuss in advance what activities your child would like to do with a friend, and then try to get out of the picture. As a backup, set up a few simple projects in case things don’t work out, like an easy craft project or a movie to watch on TV. You may want to set up a private signal to use with your child if you need to correct your child’s behavior.

Website design By BotEap.com8. A special friend

Website design By BotEap.comSometimes all it takes is a special friend. If your child can make just one friend, it makes it easier to get through the school day. She will have a partner for projects and someone to have lunch with. Stalkers will generally pick a single target instead of a pair. For many children, one friend is enough.

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Website design By BotEap.comThat said, a friend can be trouble. Depending on the situation, your child may ask too much of his lonely friend. Watch for signs that the best friend is feeling overwhelmed. This can take the form of your child complaining that the best friend invited someone else to sleep over or they didn’t have lunch together as usual. This should not mean the end of the friendship. It simply indicates to your child that he should move out a bit and socialize with some other children.

Website design By BotEap.com10. If All Else Fails

Website design By BotEap.comIf these simple steps don’t help, don’t despair! There are many other options. The teacher can intervene and help his son. Many teachers will deliberately set up tables and workgroups to help more timid children socialize. Find a social skills group by talking to the principal or searching online. Therapists and other mental health professionals can work with you and your child on the basics.

Website design By BotEap.comLastly, progress takes time. Your child doesn’t have to get there all at once and things can get easier as your child matures. The group dynamics of each class will be different. The middle school may provide more children to choose from so your child can find a group that they fit into. Keep pushing yourself and trying new things.