Website design By BotEap.comI often hear from people who are tired of feeling like they are carrying their marriage completely on their own shoulders without any help from their spouse. Often this gets so old that you may start to wonder how much longer you’ll be able to take it.

Website design By BotEap.comI heard from a wife who said, “I feel like I’m the only one who puts forth his own effort in my marriage. When my husband and I met, he was romantic and put in the effort. He used to bring me flowers and I thought a lot about where he would take me.” for our dates. If I did something nice for him, he always noticed and then reciprocated. If I cooked dinner, he did the dishes. He always picked up after himself and was an easy person to love and live with. Well, after about eight years old, he left all that. Basically, he just sits and waits for me to do all the work. Last week, he forgot about our anniversary. and I didn’t even get a card. He leaves his dirty laundry all over the house “He never helps me with anything to do with the house or our marriage. There’s no romance in it anymore. If I “want to go on a date, then I have to plan and do everything. He no longer lifts a finger in our marriage. There is absolutely no effort on his part. I feel like I’m the only one in my marriage. And it’s a lonely place to be. If things don’t change, I don’t think he’s going to stay. What can I do?” I will try to address these concerns below.

Website design By BotEap.comBefore I start offering ideas and advice, I want you to know that I understand and validate your concerns. I know people may have told you that the spark wears off after several years of marriage and that if you demand at least some romance or spark, you are asking for too much. I strongly disagree with this. When my own marriage stalled and resentment started to build, I listened to everyone who told me I was overreacting and backed off and hoped for the best. I ended up separated and heartbroken, until I was able to turn things around. So I firmly believe that doing nothing and hoping for the best is the worst plan imaginable. I think it’s best to take immediate action, without reacting enough to put your spouse on the defensive. I will discuss this below.

Website design By BotEap.comAsk yourself if the little things that bother you are symptomatic of a bigger problem: Your mom or some other wise person may have already told you that fighting over leaving the toilet seat up has nothing to do with the toilet seat. Well, she’s absolutely right. Often, after disappointments and resentments have built up for a while, she’ll notice people finding small, subtle ways to show their discontent. They may not even realize they are doing it. But she will often see them putting less effort into every area of ​​their marriage.

Website design By BotEap.comAnd you’ll often find yourself arguing over basic things like sharing chores or not making a romantic effort when those things aren’t at the core of the issue at all. Often it is a loss of intimacy that manifests itself in those little domestic matters of your married life.

Website design By BotEap.comI mention it because I want you to be aware that even if you reach a commitment in the effort and household chores, you will always want to also look at your bond and your intimacy. Because if you have worldly problems that are common to many marriages, it is highly recommended to make sure that this is all there is to it.

Website design By BotEap.comFrankly, if you can restore intimacy to your marriage and have that “in love” or even “lustful” feeling once again, little things like dishes won’t bother you as much. And since you’re both satisfied, you’ll find that your spouse really wants to do better because he wants to keep that reward constant.

Website design By BotEap.comIt always helps to make him a willing participant instead of using negative comments: I know it’s very tempting to point out that your husband is selfishly allowing you to shoulder all the responsibilities yourself. The words lazy or selfish may escape your lips. But honestly, this strategy will put you on the defensive and make you feel unappreciated and things can even get worse. You can even go back even further.

Website design By BotEap.comSo the best bet is to make him want to do better with positive reinforcement. You can start by cheerfully asking him to help you with the dishes. When he does this, praise him generously. Tell him when he helps you, it reminds you of those early days when we did everything as partners. You could say something like, “I miss those early days as partners. I miss the closeness we had. We’ll have to do this more often.”

Website design By BotEap.comAt that point, if appropriate, you should offer a physical connection. This just reinforces that positive reinforcement that will make him want to do better. You could even make a comment like “See what happens when you help me?” It won’t take long for him to connect the dots and realize that helping him is absolutely to his benefit.

Website design By BotEap.comOnce they bond and click again, you could jokingly ask her to plan and execute a night out or weekend getaway. Again, you have to be playful. Because this is often the most effective currency with men and helps them both get more of what they want, which equals a happier and more equal marriage.