Website design By BotEap.comI recently heard from a wife who was devastated that her husband was pushing for them to separate. He had told her that she intended to move in next weekend and she was preparing for a horrible day. And her husband had just dropped another devastating piece of news. He told her that he felt they should see other people during the separation. His reasoning behind this was that doing so would allow them to see if they were missing out on anything by being married. And, he reasoned, if they met and were attracted to someone else, this would tell them the marriage wasn’t worth saving anyway.

Website design By BotEap.comThe wife disagreed with this reasoning. She felt that dating other people was more or less a guarantee that the marriage would come to an end. In fact, she suspected that her husband was just trying to make it easy for her to divorce him. After all, once they started dating other people, how likely would they be to work on the marriage? She said, in part, “I’m devastated that he wants to see other people. We’re separating, not getting divorced. Dating other people isn’t something you should do while you’re still married. If he really thinks there’s a chance that we could save our marriage, so why does he want to go out with other people? I’m floored by this. I’ve tried to reason with him, but he won’t listen to me. Is there any way I can get him to change his My friends say I should dating other people to make him jealous, but I don’t want to do that. What are my options?

Website design By BotEap.comThis is a very difficult situation. The husband had made it clear that he really wasn’t willing to talk about this anymore because he was already made up. And I have seen marriages that were saved even after a separation in which the spouses dated others. But, the wife was right to be reticent because there is also a lot of risk involved. However, in the next article, I’ll go over a few things you might want to think about or try if she finds herself in this situation.

Website design By BotEap.comBefore agreeing to date other people during the separation, try talking to your husband about other alternatives: It was pretty clear that the husband didn’t want to negotiate on this, so I felt that the wife might want to approach this in a spirit of compromise. She might suggest that you first take a finite period of time where you are apart but faithful to each other as you try to work on your marriage. This would buy him some time in hopes of saving her marriage and getting her husband back home before she starts dating other people.

Website design By BotEap.comIf this doesn’t work, the other alternative would be to set some guidelines about what it means to “date” others. What the wife absolutely did not want was her husband sleeping with other women while they were separated but still married. So if she couldn’t make him change his mind, she could ask him to set the limit at that point. After all, if they were still married and he was being intimate with other women, it could be argued that this was adultery. However, the biggest argument was that this was out of the wife’s comfort level.

Website design By BotEap.comI suggested that she be very direct and calm when having this conversation with him. She might say something like, “I hear what you’re saying, but I think if we’re dating other people, we’re not really giving our marriage our full attention or a real chance. There’s a reason we’re breaking up instead of breaking up.” “. divorced. The hope is that the separation will give us some guidance on what we want to do next. But seeing other people doesn’t help with this process. It only makes things more confusing and compromises our marriage. with other people is something I hate to even think about because I’m still so invested in our marriage. I was hoping you were too. Can we agree that, at least for a while, we will stop dating others? off the table so that we give our marriage a fair chance?”

Website design By BotEap.comWhat are your options if your husband insists on seeing other people while you are apart: Sometimes wives do or say everything in their power to get their husband to change his mind about seeing other people, but nothing works. What happens then? What are your options? Well, the way I see it, you have a choice to make. You can tell your husband that seeing other people is a deal breaker for you and that you will never agree. Or, he can pretend that he goes a lot and see if he can really use this to his advantage. I’ve had women tell me that letting their husband think they were seeing other people actually worked quite well for them. This has to be compelling, of course, and you should never go too far or be inappropriate with it.

Website design By BotEap.comBut it’s my opinion that a little mystery can help your cause when you’re apart. Of course, you don’t want to be overtly dishonest or over the top with this, but you can leave out some details, be evasive, and see if this has any effect on him.

Website design By BotEap.comAnd, while I know you’ll want to know all the details about her dates with other people, I think it’s best not to go overboard with that either. If he’s determined to do this even though he knows you’re opposed to it, then it’s clearly an issue you’re not going to agree on. So if he keeps insisting on it, he almost gives her more power than he already has.

Website design By BotEap.comAt the end of the day, your real goal is to get your husband to focus on you and your marriage during the separation. To that end, you don’t want to include other people in the equation any more than necessary. To the best of your ability, try to refocus on yourself and him. If you have to use a bit of mystery to pique his curiosity and encourage his involvement, I think that’s fine. But I think there is a difference between mystery and dishonesty. It should be made clear that seeing others is not your first choice. But since he has made this decision, you are going to make the most of it because you know you still have a lot to offer. And of course this is only a suggested strategy if he doesn’t agree to anything else.