The Anatomy of a Brain Cramp; The Retainer and the Lavalava – Communication
Website design By BotEap.comIn life, you have to successfully work with people to get anywhere. You can not avoid it.
Website design By BotEap.comSome people are funny, good, and wholesome, and others can feel like a thorn in your shoe. Some will be there to cheer you up and be a savior, and some will be there to take advantage of you, sometimes carelessly.
Website design By BotEap.comThere is absolutely no way to lead a successful life without effective communication with those who can help you achieve your goals. And the secret to effective communication is to fully understand, or at least try to understand, the other person’s perspective. Understanding the other person’s perspective helps you build camaraderie, negotiate faster and more effectively, add value to a partnership, and build mutual respect.
To communicate effectively, you need to be on the same page as the other person. Website design By BotEap.comI got to my apartment one day after class. As usual, I changed into a T-shirt and took off my pants, tying a lavalava around my waist. A lavalava is a brightly colored flowery cloth wrap or skirt worn by Polynesian men and women, usually with nothing underneath except undergarments. I previously lived on the Samoan islands for two years and got used to using a lavalava to combat the humid tropical heat. During any scorching summer, a lavalava is one of the best types of personal air conditioning systems available, even though it’s rarely in style on a white American male like myself. Website design By BotEap.comRelaxed in the cool of my apartment and having finished dinner and a late-night snack, I began to get ready for bed just as my roommate Don came home. Don was a long time friend, but he had recently moved in with me and another good friend. Website design By BotEap.com“Hello Donaldo!” I chirped my nickname for Don as he slid my ultra-thick retainer into my mouth. Website design By BotEap.com“Hi, Pablo!” Donaldo responded, also referring to his nickname for me. I watched him look at the colorful flash of fabric around my waist. Donaldo was somewhat new to the concept of lavalava. Website design By BotEap.comBut what was strangest to Donaldo was my thick plastic retainer that I normally only wore to sleep. And with him in my mouth acting like a loose stopper, it was extremely difficult to speak coherently. That piqued Donaldo’s interest as we exchanged small talk. Small talk was a challenge for me as he searched for different ways to position my tongue while forming words. Website design By BotEap.com“So, do you like to wear that?” Website design By BotEap.com“I sure will!” I got excitedly confused, thinking he was
referring to my lavalava that he noticed earlier. Website design By BotEap.comDonaldo walked to the kitchen to eat something while I settled on the sofa to read a bit. Don poked his head around the corner. Website design By BotEap.com“It is comfortable?” Don asked suspiciously, clearly confused by my apparent enthusiasm for wearing a cumbersome retainer. Website design By BotEap.com“Of course it’s comfortable!” I screwed up an answer, not knowing how Donaldo could mistake the advantages of a vented, free-blowing lavava in the privacy of home. Website design By BotEap.com“And do you use it at night?” Website design By BotEap.com“Yes, but sometimes he falls on the bed.” Website design By BotEap.comThat sounded a bit strange to Donaldo. Does Paul sometimes wake up with his retainer patiently waiting on his pillow to be put back in his mouth? Don waited for his burrito to finish microwaving. Then he investigated further. Website design By BotEap.com“Do you have to clean it a lot?” Website design By BotEap.com“Yes, it does get dirty from time to time.” Website design By BotEap.comDirty from time to time? Phew! If Donaldo had to wear a retainer every night, he would have made sure to clean it religiously and thoroughly on a regular basis. Website design By BotEap.com“How long have you had it?” Website design By BotEap.com“Oh, about five years. Do you like it?” I asked, starting to feel a little flattered. I can’t say many people would find a lavalava the most stylish outfit for a straight man, though I do know a few people from my past who wanted to wear one anyway. He often gave away extra lavalavas as gifts. Website design By BotEap.comI stood up and walked into the kitchen to see if he was willing to convert to use a sink. I sat across from Don at the dinner table. “Maybe I have a spare one you can have if you want,” I offered, hoping to further the cause of lavawash-using Americans in my corner of the world. Website design By BotEap.com“Oh no,” Donaldo responded quickly, “I mean, thanks, but that’s okay, I don’t need one.” With his dinner in front of him, Don was starting to lose his appetite at the thought of putting someone else’s spare retainer in his mouth, which is rarely cleaned. Website design By BotEap.com“Then why do you like to wear it?” asked Don, reluctantly, taking a bite of his burrito. Website design By BotEap.com“Oh, it feels very comfortable, especially when the wind blows.” I answered frankly. Website design By BotEap.com“So you open your mouth when the wind blows?” asked Donaldo beginning to feel genuinely confused. Website design By BotEap.comI laughed at the ridiculousness of his question. I mean, why would you open your mouth when the wind is blowing through your lavalava? Website design By BotEap.com“Well, I guess I might want to open my mouth to laugh if it tickled me,” I teased. Website design By BotEap.comTicklish? Don began to feel that perhaps he had underestimated the uplifting experience of wearing a retainer. Website design By BotEap.comBut then I started to wonder if he was trying to offend me, like wondering if he was full of hot air that came out every time he spoke. Rather than let Donaldo see that he was irritated by his insulting comment, I brushed it off and changed the subject. Website design By BotEap.com“How’s it going with your new girlfriend?” I asked. Website design By BotEap.com“Good. Good,” Don chewed his food thoughtfully, still trying to put things together. He still couldn’t see how cold air blowing into a retainer could make someone so pleasantly comfortable. Several moments passed. Website design By BotEap.com“Going back to what we were talking about,” Don continued, “are there other ways to feel good while wearing that thing?” Website design By BotEap.comI started to feel uncomfortable about the increasingly private questions. I tried further to change the subject back to Don’s girlfriend: “Hey, I’ll tell you what, I’ll give your girlfriend one of these. It should look pretty on her. She’ll love it, most women do.” .” Website design By BotEap.comThis floored Donaldo. He spat out his last bite of the burrito, deeply disgusted and offended by my suggestion that a thick retainer would make his girlfriend look more attractive. He also wondered if I was threatening to embarrass him and scare his new love interest with whatever level of gruesome detail I might throw at Donaldo, me being the “weird, gross roommate” people would do best to avoid. Website design By BotEap.comAs he narrowed his eyes in anger at me, a startling thought struck Donaldo, causing him to pause for a moment as he contemplated our dialogue. We look at each other in deafening silence. Website design By BotEap.com“What are you talking about?” she asked her. Website design By BotEap.com“Well, my lavalava, of course!” I exclaimed, starting to feel a brain cramp that had been going on for the past 15 minutes. Website design By BotEap.com“I was talking about your retainer!” Donaldo yelled, feeling a sudden relief wash over him as our entire conversation finally started to make sense. Website design By BotEap.comWe laughed out loud at our miscommunication when Donaldo finally agreed to accept a lavalava of his own, as a gift from me. Website design By BotEap.comTo this day, we still enjoy recounting how confused we were with each other that night. In those 15 minutes alone, we learned a lot about how listening can affect a friendship, for better or worse, and can clarify or exaggerate misunderstandings. Website design By BotEap.comDifferent cultures and backgrounds always seem funny or strange to those who didn’t grow up in them. Effective listening breaks down those barriers to understanding. Listening is an art that you can master, and once you do, the rewards are multiplied tenfold. Website design By BotEap.comAnd… you get a best friend in the process.
To communicate effectively, you need to be on the same page as the other person. Website design By BotEap.comI got to my apartment one day after class. As usual, I changed into a T-shirt and took off my pants, tying a lavalava around my waist. A lavalava is a brightly colored flowery cloth wrap or skirt worn by Polynesian men and women, usually with nothing underneath except undergarments. I previously lived on the Samoan islands for two years and got used to using a lavalava to combat the humid tropical heat. During any scorching summer, a lavalava is one of the best types of personal air conditioning systems available, even though it’s rarely in style on a white American male like myself. Website design By BotEap.comRelaxed in the cool of my apartment and having finished dinner and a late-night snack, I began to get ready for bed just as my roommate Don came home. Don was a long time friend, but he had recently moved in with me and another good friend. Website design By BotEap.com“Hello Donaldo!” I chirped my nickname for Don as he slid my ultra-thick retainer into my mouth. Website design By BotEap.com“Hi, Pablo!” Donaldo responded, also referring to his nickname for me. I watched him look at the colorful flash of fabric around my waist. Donaldo was somewhat new to the concept of lavalava. Website design By BotEap.comBut what was strangest to Donaldo was my thick plastic retainer that I normally only wore to sleep. And with him in my mouth acting like a loose stopper, it was extremely difficult to speak coherently. That piqued Donaldo’s interest as we exchanged small talk. Small talk was a challenge for me as he searched for different ways to position my tongue while forming words. Website design By BotEap.com“So, do you like to wear that?” Website design By BotEap.com“I sure will!” I got excitedly confused, thinking he was
referring to my lavalava that he noticed earlier. Website design By BotEap.comDonaldo walked to the kitchen to eat something while I settled on the sofa to read a bit. Don poked his head around the corner. Website design By BotEap.com“It is comfortable?” Don asked suspiciously, clearly confused by my apparent enthusiasm for wearing a cumbersome retainer. Website design By BotEap.com“Of course it’s comfortable!” I screwed up an answer, not knowing how Donaldo could mistake the advantages of a vented, free-blowing lavava in the privacy of home. Website design By BotEap.com“And do you use it at night?” Website design By BotEap.com“Yes, but sometimes he falls on the bed.” Website design By BotEap.comThat sounded a bit strange to Donaldo. Does Paul sometimes wake up with his retainer patiently waiting on his pillow to be put back in his mouth? Don waited for his burrito to finish microwaving. Then he investigated further. Website design By BotEap.com“Do you have to clean it a lot?” Website design By BotEap.com“Yes, it does get dirty from time to time.” Website design By BotEap.comDirty from time to time? Phew! If Donaldo had to wear a retainer every night, he would have made sure to clean it religiously and thoroughly on a regular basis. Website design By BotEap.com“How long have you had it?” Website design By BotEap.com“Oh, about five years. Do you like it?” I asked, starting to feel a little flattered. I can’t say many people would find a lavalava the most stylish outfit for a straight man, though I do know a few people from my past who wanted to wear one anyway. He often gave away extra lavalavas as gifts. Website design By BotEap.comI stood up and walked into the kitchen to see if he was willing to convert to use a sink. I sat across from Don at the dinner table. “Maybe I have a spare one you can have if you want,” I offered, hoping to further the cause of lavawash-using Americans in my corner of the world. Website design By BotEap.com“Oh no,” Donaldo responded quickly, “I mean, thanks, but that’s okay, I don’t need one.” With his dinner in front of him, Don was starting to lose his appetite at the thought of putting someone else’s spare retainer in his mouth, which is rarely cleaned. Website design By BotEap.com“Then why do you like to wear it?” asked Don, reluctantly, taking a bite of his burrito. Website design By BotEap.com“Oh, it feels very comfortable, especially when the wind blows.” I answered frankly. Website design By BotEap.com“So you open your mouth when the wind blows?” asked Donaldo beginning to feel genuinely confused. Website design By BotEap.comI laughed at the ridiculousness of his question. I mean, why would you open your mouth when the wind is blowing through your lavalava? Website design By BotEap.com“Well, I guess I might want to open my mouth to laugh if it tickled me,” I teased. Website design By BotEap.comTicklish? Don began to feel that perhaps he had underestimated the uplifting experience of wearing a retainer. Website design By BotEap.comBut then I started to wonder if he was trying to offend me, like wondering if he was full of hot air that came out every time he spoke. Rather than let Donaldo see that he was irritated by his insulting comment, I brushed it off and changed the subject. Website design By BotEap.com“How’s it going with your new girlfriend?” I asked. Website design By BotEap.com“Good. Good,” Don chewed his food thoughtfully, still trying to put things together. He still couldn’t see how cold air blowing into a retainer could make someone so pleasantly comfortable. Several moments passed. Website design By BotEap.com“Going back to what we were talking about,” Don continued, “are there other ways to feel good while wearing that thing?” Website design By BotEap.comI started to feel uncomfortable about the increasingly private questions. I tried further to change the subject back to Don’s girlfriend: “Hey, I’ll tell you what, I’ll give your girlfriend one of these. It should look pretty on her. She’ll love it, most women do.” .” Website design By BotEap.comThis floored Donaldo. He spat out his last bite of the burrito, deeply disgusted and offended by my suggestion that a thick retainer would make his girlfriend look more attractive. He also wondered if I was threatening to embarrass him and scare his new love interest with whatever level of gruesome detail I might throw at Donaldo, me being the “weird, gross roommate” people would do best to avoid. Website design By BotEap.comAs he narrowed his eyes in anger at me, a startling thought struck Donaldo, causing him to pause for a moment as he contemplated our dialogue. We look at each other in deafening silence. Website design By BotEap.com“What are you talking about?” she asked her. Website design By BotEap.com“Well, my lavalava, of course!” I exclaimed, starting to feel a brain cramp that had been going on for the past 15 minutes. Website design By BotEap.com“I was talking about your retainer!” Donaldo yelled, feeling a sudden relief wash over him as our entire conversation finally started to make sense. Website design By BotEap.comWe laughed out loud at our miscommunication when Donaldo finally agreed to accept a lavalava of his own, as a gift from me. Website design By BotEap.comTo this day, we still enjoy recounting how confused we were with each other that night. In those 15 minutes alone, we learned a lot about how listening can affect a friendship, for better or worse, and can clarify or exaggerate misunderstandings. Website design By BotEap.comDifferent cultures and backgrounds always seem funny or strange to those who didn’t grow up in them. Effective listening breaks down those barriers to understanding. Listening is an art that you can master, and once you do, the rewards are multiplied tenfold. Website design By BotEap.comAnd… you get a best friend in the process.