Website design By BotEap.comPlease note that I have purposely avoided the term “bachelor pad” here. That’s for good reason. That expression conjures up immediate visions of complete and utter corniness. And if you expect to ask women out anytime (which I trust is a given), the last thing you want your place as a single guy to be is cheesy.

Website design By BotEap.comOK, maybe that’s penultimate. The last thing you want your house to be is dirt. And you can take that however you want, because no matter what you’re thinking, you’re getting me perfectly.

Website design By BotEap.comInterestingly, many men (and some women) have asked me how to properly approach the topic of this section. Here’s the thing: EVERYONE has their unique set of circumstances. Some have a lot of money, others hardly have anything extra to spend. Some live in the city and others live in small towns. Some live where you have satellite TV and some don’t. With all of that in mind, I’ll approach this from the mindset of an average guy with an average income living in a suburban setting. He can take what he can use and leave the rest on the shelf, although the more philosophical parts are probably universally applicable.

Website design By BotEap.comSo let’s take this for a room, okay? I will weave the most general principles along the way.

Website design By BotEap.com1) Door/Entrance

Website design By BotEap.comMake sure the front light works and there are no spiders living in the outside corner. Have a mat to wipe your feet and a coat rack inside the entrance for coats/umbrellas if you don’t have a closet by the door. This is really important to make her feel comfortable right away, and we all know that this is job number one.

Website design By BotEap.com2 bathrooms

Website design By BotEap.comFor most of your house or apartment, keeping things in order rather than spotless Felix Unger is key. In fact, I’ve heard from some women that a surreally clean place scares them. They recognize that “it’s just not natural,” as we say here in Texas. So cleaning up the clutter is the key. That might get us off the hook for dusting the floorboards, but the absolute exception to that guideline is the bathroom. CLEAN THE TOILETS. Clean AROUND the bathrooms. In fact, clean the entire room, including the tub/shower and sink. Use “Shower Clean” or equivalent every time you shower and you’ll save yourself major hassle later. Clean mirror stains. Finally, as my good (and wife) friend Amy Waterman once pointed out in an interview, take anything you don’t want discovered out of her medicine cabinet. According to her, most women consider it her birthright to spy on her medicine cabinet. I’m sure you have condoms, but please put them in a more discreet place. That goes double for recreational Cialis.

Website design By BotEap.com3) Kitchen

Website design By BotEap.comYou’re cooking for her, aren’t you? (Remember who you’re hearing from here, right?) When you’re shopping for an apartment or house, make cooking a higher priority than most guys. You want enough area in there for two people to work together. When shopping for kitchen appliances, make sure things don’t clash. If possible, I highly recommend the stainless steel look. It has a high-end feel and appears masculine. Get a full complement of cookware, decent knives and a pot/pan set giving you the flexibility to cook whatever you want. Get at least one set of matching plates (that look masculine) and flatware service for four. If you have a suitable area outside, get even a small barbecue grill.

Website design By BotEap.comKeep the refrigerator free of rotten and moldy items at all times. This fat woman in plain sight. Make sure you have a variety of drinks, including bottled water and diet sodas if you don’t drink those things. Make sure the ice is cool.

Website design By BotEap.comIf you can, invest in one of those mini-fridges with the window in the door that doubles as a “wine cellar.” Keep a bottle of red and a bottle of white there. If you’re lucky enough to live near Trader Joe’s, Charles Shaw is dirt cheap and gets the job done if he’s not already a wine connoisseur. You can fill in the rest with singles from the last dozen or so six-packs of various beers you’ve been drinking, etc. It doesn’t really matter, as long as you have a variety of things to grab when you put a drink in her hand as soon as she walks in the door.

Website design By BotEap.comAnd oh yeah… empty the trash can. While she’s at it, make sure the dirty clothes are out of the way.

Website design By BotEap.com4) Living room

Website design By BotEap.comYeah, you probably have an amazing big screen and an X-box. However, when a woman comes over, the best use for that TV, hands down, is to have it tuned to the music channel that best suits the mood you’re creating. Some satellite or cable systems come with Sirius or XM channels… SET IT. It’s amazing how cool it is to put it on the New Orleans channel while you’re cooking dinner and move it to Urban Contemporary, Classic Blues, or Smooth Jazz later. Awww…yes.

Website design By BotEap.comAnd yes…it had a black leather sofa and a loveseat. Stereotypical, but for good reason. I also parked my couch directly under the air conditioning duct. This was strategic. In fact, contrary to popular wisdom, he would always turn the air conditioning down to about 70 when a woman came over. This fostered closeness as the night wore on.

Website design By BotEap.comWhen choosing furniture in general, make sure that they match. Personally, I went for dark wood with angular patterns (as opposed to rounded ones), which elicited a lot of compliments that my house looked elegant yet masculine. Don’t take girly-looking furniture (or blue cloaks) donated by your Aunt Betsy just because it’s free. Resist the urge. You can get what you need from Craigslist for less than you think.

Website design By BotEap.comAn important note here is that it’s perfectly fine to be a man. Just look for classic and/or tasteful ways to get the message across. I sure avoided putting up porn star posters on the wall. But I had that classic black and white John Belushi from Animal House up there… framed. Sweet. If you have dozens of large trophies, you can also keep them visible. Pool table…nice touch. Playing pool with a woman you like is always a lot of fun. If she has hobbies or hobbies she’s passionate about, hopefully she’ll have the things she uses to do that around the house, just keep it out of the way.

Website design By BotEap.comLighting is also tremendously important. I cannot stress this too much. You want alternatives to the default overhead lighting… period. Floor lamps are great, track lighting and/or an entertainment center with shelf lighting is even better. Feel free to get creative here. In fact, I had 20-25 lava lamps of all shapes, colors, and styles throughout my house…including one in the bathroom. The effect was great, even if the cost of replacing the bulbs was higher than expected. Women always thought it was cool. Contrary to what you might expect, I was also able to pull off exactly one neon sign on the house. If your place is clean and classy otherwise you can get away with it. Just keep in mind that your mileage may vary. You always want “fancy” over “cheesy.”

Website design By BotEap.comThese days, fireplaces are even seen in basic apartments in some places. Use it unless it’s ridiculously hot outside. If you are in doubt as to whether it is too hot, turn it on. Turn the AC down to 68 for a couple of hours just as she arrives. This is totally worth it.

Website design By BotEap.comWhen it comes to other decorum, I agree with others who recommend leaving a few interesting books around the house and on the shelf to promote conversation. Travel books, psychology books, and biographies of interesting people are all fair game here. I also recommend decking out your home with framed photos of family and friends doing fun things together. There is literally no more confidence to inspire a sight in a woman than there is when visiting a man’s place. The cute nieces are a bonus… seriously.

Website design By BotEap.comOne final note. You may have exactly one item that evokes a sensual/sexual response. Maybe it’s a book on tantra. In my case, it was a pair of sexually suggestive glow-in-the-dark dice (a gift). It’s okay to be a sexual being, just avoid focusing on sex. By the way, you still avoid the dreaded “cheesy” based on your general style. A kitsch thing or two here and there is fine.

Website design By BotEap.com5) Bedroom

Website design By BotEap.comSo what about the bedroom? When you put a drink in her hand, give her a “walking tour” of the place, and feel free to include the bedroom. However, be sure to leave quickly after showing it to him, so it doesn’t seem like you have ulterior motives. Keep the bedroom door open afterwards.

Website design By BotEap.comAbove all, make your bed. Make it so that the sheets are folded in front of the pillows, but don’t pull the sheets down like someone is about to go to bed (see: “cheesy”). If you have a nightstand next to you, that’s a great place for condoms, etc. Once again, remove clutter, including snacks and empty glasses. I know how we are, guys.

Website design By BotEap.comIf you haven’t changed your sheets this week, please do so. Than? Don’t have two sets of sheets? Get some with a thread count of at least 300. Try “birch fiber” sheets if you’re on a budget. They rock. Get big pillows and lots of them. Pillow fight rule.

Website design By BotEap.comFor lighting, continue the theme you’ve created in the rest of the house. His bedroom should be consistent with his style elsewhere. If you have a TV in your bedroom, you’ll find that having the music channels is especially worth it there. Your iPod’s speaker setup can’t offer enough specific variety, and even a commercial on the radio is too much.

Website design By BotEap.comThat’s the basic summary. Obviously, if you have a blocky ’68 Ford Falcon in the backyard and/or a Kenworth parked out front, that’s inconvenient. And hide the cats if you like cats. Women think it’s a bit strange that men are cat lovers. Don’t ask me why, but it’s a topic I’ve heard many times (and I don’t even have cats). As for dogs, make sure they are well behaved and clean if they stay in the house. It’s always a good idea to find out ahead of time if your guest also has allergy issues.

Website design By BotEap.comAnd Febreze all over your place. From top to bottom. Every time.