Website design By BotEap.comYou already know how I am. I only tell the truth in my stories. (Mostly). So maybe this time I told a big lie, just so I could tell an even better story that is actually (mostly) true. Was it worth the sacrifice of my soul? Up to you.

Website design By BotEap.comJim Ottea and I had been cruising Colorado for several days, him on his Yamaha FJR, me on my BMW K1200LT. After nearly two weeks on the road, the ride was almost over, but the fun wasn’t. As far as we’re concerned, it’s not over until it’s over. People have gotten hurt trying to prove us wrong.

Website design By BotEap.comWe had been leaving our bikes low enough to kiss the pavement near Telluride, riding from Silverton to a small town called Ouray (pronounced “OO-ray”) where the cuts are nice and the drops are steep. The roads were so good that we spent two days on them, staying more than one night in a nearby town so we could play the 550 highway over and over again.

Website design By BotEap.comArriving in Ouray on our last day in the neighborhood, I pulled off the last hairpin and pulled up alongside Jim at a roadside stop, Iron Butterfly’s In-A-Gada-Da-Vida blaring. speakers in the Beemer.

Website design By BotEap.com“How many times have you listened to that record?” Jim asked, possibly annoyed that he’d been blaring it for the last 3 or 4 stops. (I’m also not sure he was entirely comfortable with my desire to play my ABBA CD every time we pulled up near the Harley guys in their leathers and rags.)

Website design By BotEap.com“About seven,” I replied, “I found it this morning in my CD case. Pretty good stuff, huh? Ever heard this song?”

Website design By BotEap.comJim snorted and I continued, “The drum solo is good for 20 miles, even on these twisty roads.” I turned it up a bit more for her to enjoy listening to, just in time for the grand finale of the song.

Website design By BotEap.com“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he made a face, obviously jealous of my six-CD changer. I shrugged and we got back on the road and out of town, heading toward Gunnison and heading east, the general direction of home, although neither of us wanted to face that horrible fact, not yet.

Website design By BotEap.comThe next day we were heading to the Royal Gorge by raft, although we didn’t realize we were going to because, conceptually, such an adventure hadn’t occurred to us yet. We stopped at a small park where the Arkansas River storms past a wooden deck overlooking the water. On the platform was a boy in his early 20s, taking pictures of the whitewater rafters as they splashed in the rapids below (to sell at outrageous prices when they returned to the rafting company headquarters).

Website design By BotEap.comAs Jim headed back to his motorcycle, no doubt to see where he could mount a 6-cd changer and 8-speaker sound system on an FJR, the young man and I chatted about his job and his cameras, about life in general and about nothing in particular

Website design By BotEap.com“Hey,” the boy said to me, out of Jim’s earshot, “did anyone tell your friend he looks like a rock star?”

Website design By BotEap.comI leaned back against the railing, soaking up all the heat from the sun, and replied nonchalantly, “It’s funny you mention that. Who do you think he looks like?”

Website design By BotEap.comI already knew where I was going with this. I’m Bad Ted, and this was too easy.

Website design By BotEap.com“Well, I’m not sure, but he looks familiar. He just looks like a rock star I might have seen somewhere.”

Website design By BotEap.com“Someone recently said that he looks like Keith Richards,” I suggested. “Do you think?”

Website design By BotEap.com“My, yes,” agreed the boy, encouraged now. “Hey,” he added, more hopeful than doubtful, “it’s not, is it? Keith Richards?”

Website design By BotEap.com“Nah,” I laughed. “But…” I brought it out as if hesitating to reveal a really big secret, then relented.

Website design By BotEap.com“Have you ever heard of a band called Iron Butterfly?”

Website design By BotEap.com“Yeah…?” (“Come on,” his eyes pleaded, “you’re going to tell me he’s really cool, right? I KNEW IT!”)

Website design By BotEap.com“Have you ever heard of a song called In-A-Gada-Da-Vida?”

Website design By BotEap.com“Yeah!”

Website design By BotEap.com“Jim played the drum solo on that song,” I confessed, with dramatic reluctance. “That’s Jim Ottea, man. That’s HIM!”

Website design By BotEap.com“No shit? WOW! Hey, I play the drums too.”

Website design By BotEap.com“Ask him for his autograph when he gets back, he’ll be happy to give it to you.”

Website design By BotEap.comAround this time, Jim strolled back down the wooden pier, and as he approached, I announced, “Jim, I told this guy you played the drum solo for Iron Butterfly on In-A-Gada-Da-Vida. I think he wants your autograph.”

Website design By BotEap.comWe close our eyes. Jim looked at me in disbelief: poor man, he has some trouble getting over his own deep-seated senses of honesty, fairness, and righteousness.

Website design By BotEap.com“You have to be kidding,” his piercing eyes accused. “No, I’m not kidding,” my conspiratorial wink replied. “You’re in it whether you like it or not.”

Website design By BotEap.com“Sign an autograph for this guy,” I said out loud, “He’s a drummer too.”

Website design By BotEap.comI then explained to the boy, “Jim is embarrassed by that drum solo. He thinks he’s immature and childish now. But believe me,” I assured him, “you can still learn a lot about rock ‘n roll percussion from that classic In-Solo.” of battery A-Gada-Da-Vida”.

Website design By BotEap.comI don’t know if that’s true or not, I’m not a drummer, but to my credit I thought maybe it might be true when I said it.

Website design By BotEap.com“I can’t believe this,” Jim muttered. I don’t remember if she actually said it out loud or just hinted at it with another piercing look of deep disappointment at me, but I wasn’t about to take any of it. The game was on, and it didn’t matter in any case: Celebrities are known to be shy and sometimes reticent. Jim’s goofy performance now could only enhance the farce.

Website design By BotEap.comThe aspiring drummer took out a pen and paper and even a clipboard, unable to believe his good fortune on that happy day.

Website design By BotEap.comTo his everlasting shame, Jim completely fell for the evil spirit of the thing. His reluctance was quickly resolved promptly. Bright-eyed Jim Ottea (Wow! The REAL Jim Ottea, it’s HIM, man!) graciously produced an autograph that could one day be worth hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars, if he ever actually does something himself. .

Website design By BotEap.comMeanwhile, I grabbed the camera and captured the moment, as Jim, with a bold hand and proud flourish, cheekily autographed: HA! Take this:

Website design By BotEap.comStick with it, kid.

Website design By BotEap.comJimmy “rotten” Ottea

Website design By BotEap.comiron butterfly

Website design By BotEap.comThe two spent the next few minutes discussing the subtle differences between traditional drumming styles versus I don’t know what. I must say that Jim held his own in the conversation, even though he had no idea what the hell this excited young man was blabbering about. For the most part, “Jimmy Rotten” just nodded sagely and grunted in a manner befitting the consummate professional. I was very proud of him at the time.

Website design By BotEap.comAnd, of course, he offered the boy much encouragement. That’s important to young people, and Jim is a loving guy.

Website design By BotEap.comNow, I have to admit that before we left the scene, we told the boy the whole truth, explaining that it was all a harmless joke.

Website design By BotEap.comI should admit it, but I can’t, I won’t, we didn’t. We never confess anything. The way we saw it, why ruin a dreamy young man’s big day, just to save our own wretched souls?

Website design By BotEap.comAnd now you know the truth about the lie. I swear.

Website design By BotEap.comTed A. Thompson [http://www.phfft.com]

Website design By BotEap.comPS On our way home two days later, halfway across Kansas in 104 degree temperatures on the unholy flat, scorching, grueling interstate through the midwestern prairie, I pulled up next to Jim in my motorcycle, matching his speed at approximately 85 MPH.

Website design By BotEap.comI got his attention with my horn, smiled, and as he watched and wondered what I was doing, I put the Beemer in cruise control and pantomime wild drum moves with my arms, fists clenched tightly around imaginary drumsticks.

Website design By BotEap.comIt was a close decision. Somehow, Jim kept control of his bike, but I almost lost my good friend on the wicked Kansas asphalt.