An extraordinary experience that eased the burden of grief
Website design By BotEap.comFor over 25 years I have been studying the effects of Extraordinary Experiences (EE) on bereaved. These events are spontaneous, not summoned, and those who experience them are convinced that they come from an outside source: their deceased loved one or a Supreme Being.
Website design By BotEap.comThere are numerous positive effects of these encounters, one of which is the conviction on the part of the mourner that consciousness survives bodily death and the loved one lives on. The following is an unusual EE that had three positive effects on the recipient in addition to the two just mentioned.
Website design By BotEap.comThe recipient of this experience was a devoted wife who helped her husband cope with prostate cancer for many months. As she said: “Being present when he was dying was an incredibly profound and life-changing experience. However, I knew that his time was very short and that he would not die in my presence, as he wanted to spare me the sadness. He passed away shortly after I went home that last night.”
Website design By BotEap.comIn his own words, here is his Extraordinary Experience.
Website design By BotEap.com“My EE occurred about 30 hours after Peter’s death. I woke up around 7:00 a.m.
am and saw my ‘Happy Birthday’ balloon in my room. I had asked for flowers
and my birthday balloon two weeks ago. I had not bought a balloon for
years, but this turned out to be significant. During the four days that she had been home
hospice care, floated on the ceiling of the room where we spent our time talking
and watching TV (“hanging out,” he called it). This balloon had never left that
previous room, and would have had to go up and down through two doors to get to
the bedroom, so I knew it had to happen on its own. Website design By BotEap.comWhen I saw the balloon that morning, I immediately knew it was a message from him that it had arrived at its destination and he wanted to thank me for taking care of it. I went down a short hallway to the front door to get the newspaper, and when I came back, the globe was in her bathroom. He had told me earlier that since his shower was better than mine, I should use his bathroom after he left. I felt like the balloon reminded me of that, so I took a shower there right away. Website design By BotEap.comThe rest of the morning the globe would be in whatever room I was in, though I never actually saw it move. I would just look up and see it with me. This lasted a few hours, then it was over. The balloon lost all its air and to this day remains on a shelf next to a jade plant in my sunroom. I felt like this episode was a moment of magic and joy in the midst of my new overwhelming sadness.” Website design By BotEap.comThis experience was a big factor in how Marilyn was able to cope with her great loss. I asked her what was most useful to her. She said: “The moment of the experience set the tone for my grieving process: the happy images (balloon, etc.) were immediately linked with the sad ones (Peter’s moments of death). Furthermore, the encounter reassured me that his suffering was over. Finally, the details of this EE seemed designed by Peter to be a very personal and unique message to me.” Website design By BotEap.comThese three elements are critical to understand. Setting the tone for grief means knowing that all is well, albeit sad, and all is not lost. Reassurance is an important factor in coming to terms with your loss (an important grieving task) knowing that your grief is over. And finally, realizing the personal meaning of the message adds to your peace of mind and your belief that love lives on. Website design By BotEap.comExperiences like Marilyn’s have happened to millions of people in a variety of different ways, from feeling the presence of the deceased or having a vision to hearing the voice of the loved one or experiencing a dream visitation. The general public is not aware of the frequency of these contacts or the degree of help they provide to the bereaved. They remain another example of the mystery of life.
am and saw my ‘Happy Birthday’ balloon in my room. I had asked for flowers
and my birthday balloon two weeks ago. I had not bought a balloon for
years, but this turned out to be significant. During the four days that she had been home
hospice care, floated on the ceiling of the room where we spent our time talking
and watching TV (“hanging out,” he called it). This balloon had never left that
previous room, and would have had to go up and down through two doors to get to
the bedroom, so I knew it had to happen on its own. Website design By BotEap.comWhen I saw the balloon that morning, I immediately knew it was a message from him that it had arrived at its destination and he wanted to thank me for taking care of it. I went down a short hallway to the front door to get the newspaper, and when I came back, the globe was in her bathroom. He had told me earlier that since his shower was better than mine, I should use his bathroom after he left. I felt like the balloon reminded me of that, so I took a shower there right away. Website design By BotEap.comThe rest of the morning the globe would be in whatever room I was in, though I never actually saw it move. I would just look up and see it with me. This lasted a few hours, then it was over. The balloon lost all its air and to this day remains on a shelf next to a jade plant in my sunroom. I felt like this episode was a moment of magic and joy in the midst of my new overwhelming sadness.” Website design By BotEap.comThis experience was a big factor in how Marilyn was able to cope with her great loss. I asked her what was most useful to her. She said: “The moment of the experience set the tone for my grieving process: the happy images (balloon, etc.) were immediately linked with the sad ones (Peter’s moments of death). Furthermore, the encounter reassured me that his suffering was over. Finally, the details of this EE seemed designed by Peter to be a very personal and unique message to me.” Website design By BotEap.comThese three elements are critical to understand. Setting the tone for grief means knowing that all is well, albeit sad, and all is not lost. Reassurance is an important factor in coming to terms with your loss (an important grieving task) knowing that your grief is over. And finally, realizing the personal meaning of the message adds to your peace of mind and your belief that love lives on. Website design By BotEap.comExperiences like Marilyn’s have happened to millions of people in a variety of different ways, from feeling the presence of the deceased or having a vision to hearing the voice of the loved one or experiencing a dream visitation. The general public is not aware of the frequency of these contacts or the degree of help they provide to the bereaved. They remain another example of the mystery of life.